-
Thou shalt have no other God except thyself; after all, it’s thy self-esteem that counts. If thou doth not love thyself, who will?
-
Thou shalt not make any graven image out of any substances which cannot be recycled.
-
Thou shalt not take the name of liberals in criticism, including feminists, racial minorities, or any person who thinks he is a victim of America.
-
Remember the anniversaries of Roe vs Wade and Anita Hill’s testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and keep them holy.
-
Honor thy mother. If she is dysfunctional, it is thy father’s fault.
-
Thou shalt not kill. With these exceptions: life forms under the second trimester, and those opting for medically assisted suicides.
-
Thou shalt not commit adultery. Unless thou aspires to high political office, use a condom, or cannot help it.
-
Thou shalt not steal. Unless thou art disadvantaged or upset with a jury verdict.
-
Thou shalt not bear false witness. Unless thou art discussing the history of the 1980’s, art campaigning, or can afford good legal counsel in the event that thou art discovered.
-
Thou shalt not covet. Unless thou art the victim of gender-related oppression or institutional racism, or art still angry with Reagan’s tax cuts.
-
Always hide the real truth about thyself.
-
Never admit who or what thou really art when campaigning for office.
-
Always blame someone else for what thou dost – even so far as to blame the entire society.
-
Thou shalt oppose all punishment – except when conservative Republicans or religious right people criticize thee.
